A marriage therapist is calling out the growing trend of men who sneak into new marriages while leaving their first wives completely in the dark — and his words are hitting different.
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Nigerian marriage therapist, Shamseddin Giwa, has fired shots at a troubling trend that many Nigerian women know all too well — married men who quietly take on new wives without breathing a single word to their first wives.
In a frank Facebook post that has been making the rounds online, Giwa did not mince words as he labelled this behaviour for exactly what it is: cowardice.
“Be Man Enough to Be Honest”
For a country where polygamy is both legally recognised and culturally practised — particularly within Islamic tradition — one might wonder where the problem lies. The issue, as Giwa rightly points out, is not polygamy itself. It is the secrecy, the deception, and the utter disregard for a woman who has given her time, love, and loyalty to a man.
Taking a new wife while keeping your first wife completely in the dark is not a flex — it is a failure of character. It is a man enjoying the privileges of a husband while dodging the responsibilities that come with honesty.
What This Says About Nigerian Marriages
Let us be real for a moment. Nigerian women are some of the strongest, most resilient partners in the world. Many manage homes, raise children, support their husbands emotionally and financially — and yet, some of these same men cannot find the courage to have one honest conversation.
The “she will find out eventually” approach is not a strategy. It is a setup for:
– Deep emotional trauma for the first wife
– Instability and conflict within the household
– Confused children caught in the crossfire
– A foundation of lies that no healthy marriage can survive on
Polygamy Is Not the Villain Here — Dishonesty Is
To be clear, this is not an attack on polygamy as a practice. Many Nigerian families operate under polygamous arrangements that function with respect, transparency, and mutual understanding. Those situations work because the first wife was given the dignity of knowing.
What Giwa is calling out is the man who wants the benefits of polygamy without the accountability — the one who hides a second family like a side hustle gone too far.
The Bigger Conversation We Need to Have
This is a call for Nigerian men to do better — not just for their wives, but for themselves. A man who cannot be honest with his own household is not truly leading it. Real strength is not in acquiring more, but in handling what you have with integrity.
Nigerian women deserve to make informed decisions about their own lives and marriages. Keeping them in the dark strips them of that right entirely.
As Giwa’s words continue to spark conversation online, one thing is clear: the days of sweeping these conversations under the rug are numbered. More voices are speaking up, and Nigerian women are listening — and demanding better.
What do you think? Is secret polygamy a form of emotional abuse? Drop your thoughts in the comments below.
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