Summary: A radio doctor, Oby Olamma Nnadi, is speaking directly to Nigerian women who are enduring toxic relationships with the secret hope of getting revenge when their husbands grow old and weak. Her message? That is not wisdom — that is a trap.**
There is a conversation happening quietly in many Nigerian homes, whispered between women at owambe parties, shared in hushed tones at the market, and buried deep in the hearts of wives who smile in public but cry in private.
It goes something like this: “I will endure now. When he is old, sick, and useless, that is when I will show him pepper.”
If this sounds familiar — whether it is your story or someone you know — then radio doctor Oby Olamma Nnadi has a message you need to hear.
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The “Revenge Plan” That Many Women Are Carrying
Taking to Facebook, Dr. Oby addressed women who are staying in painful, abusive, or toxic marriages not out of love — not even out of obligation to their children — but with a quiet, burning desire for future revenge.
These are women who have mapped out a long game. “Let him enjoy himself now. When age catches up with him and his body starts to fail, I will not lift a finger for him.”
It sounds like justice. It sounds like power. But according to Dr. Oby, it is anything but.
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The Doctor’s Hard Truth
Dr. Oby Olamma Nnadi did not mince words. Her message to these women was direct and sobering:
Staying in a bad situation for years* — sacrificing your peace, your health, your joy, and your prime years — simply to position yourself for revenge is not strength. It is *self-punishment dressed up as strategy.
Think about it this way: while you are counting down the years to his downfall, your own life is slipping away. Your happiness is on hold. Your mental health is suffering. Your children are watching. And the man you are enduring? He may be living his best life, completely unbothered.
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What This Looks Like in Real Life
In many Nigerian marriages, women are conditioned to manage* — to endure bad behaviour from husbands under the guise of *”that is how marriage is.” Society, family, and even the church or mosque sometimes reinforce this messaging.
So women find coping mechanisms. Some find God. Some find community. And some — quietly — find revenge fantasies.
It becomes a fuel source. A reason to stay. A reason to wake up in the morning.
But Dr. Oby’s message challenges this thinking fundamentally: You deserve more than a revenge story. You deserve an actual life.
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A Word to Nigerian Women
If you are in a relationship where you are counting days instead of counting blessings, where your only motivation to stay is the thought of one day watching him suffer — please pause and ask yourself:
– What am I losing in the process?
– Is this plan worth my years, my health, my sanity?
– What would my life look like if I chose myself instead?
Revenge, they say, is a dish best served cold. But beloved, you were not created to spend your warmest years in the freezer.
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Seek Help, Not Just Endurance
If you are in an abusive relationship, please know that help is available. Reach out to trusted friends, family, counsellors, or support organisations. Your life is too valuable to be lived purely in survival mode.
Dr. Oby’s words are a reminder that the bravest thing a woman can sometimes do is not endure — it is choose herself.
What are your thoughts on this? Share in the comments below — let us have the conversation Nigerian women deserve.
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